THE COMPETITION

Winner

To: NHS BOARD

Dear Sirs/Madams of the NHS Board,

It has recently come to my attention that an ever increasing number of youths are infected with the ‘LGBTQ’ disease. Back in my day we never had such a thing (or, those who had it were sent swiftly away – to be dealt with in a rather superb hospital, one can only imagine), so one can only assume a correlation between the use of those so-called ‘mobile telephones’ and the disease. Perhaps the light emitted from them causes a defect – an area to look into further, I am sure. Our good old NHS appears to be failing spectacularly in this regard, though I have heard that rainbows help alleviate the symptoms, which explains the obsession the infected appear to have with them.

It is simply ghastly see these poor children decked out in rainbows from head to toe, marching around at those ‘Pride Parades’ in a way one can only assume is a sort of dance to decrease the severity of the symptoms. This disease appears to have gone completely unnoticed by your doctors – an effect of the dropping standards of the younger generation, no doubt.

Yours faithfully,

Edna Welthorpe (Mrs)