THE 2023 COMPETITION
To: East Devon County Council,
Although my prior encounters with your representatives have been nothing but courteous, my experience during yesterday’s school run left me flabbergasted.
I have recently extended the offer to walk my young niece (17 years of age) safely to school, but disastrously a new build project has begun a mere kilometre from the institute. Unlike my more trivial-minded neighbours, I am not hostile towards this development due to it encroaching on protected wildlife habitats but rather see the more serious matter as your employees’ hindquarters.
In my opinion, the issue of ‘workmen’s posterior’ or, as my niece vulgarly calls the phenomenon, ‘builder’s bum’ poses significant disruption to social harmony in your jurisdiction. Really, when did such public indecency become legal, especially around such young children? As an established British governmental branch, I would like to urge higher standards of decorum among your workers or my hand may be forced to start a petition. I insist you protect the precious new generation from such displays of public nudity.
Please, please consider adding some good quality leather belts to the PPE inventory of council workmen (I recommend Tom Ford to all familial relations suffering from similar conditions).