THE 2023 COMPETITION
To: Chairman of Channel 4,
Last Saturday, I had the misfortune to discover what shocking drivel your channel has to offer in the form of ‘Naked Attraction. I have never before ventured beyond the boundaries of the dependable BBC, and I never shall again.
I was dozing off to Songs of Praise after a lovely glass of sherry, when I accidentally placed my derriere upon the remote. Imagine my shock when Salisbury Cathedral was replaced with a row of unmentionables. Why on earth would anyone desire to publicly remove their clothes as part of a dating enterprise! Their most private parts were being ogled like pieces of roast beef at my local Morrisons meat counter. In my day, gentlemen would come knocking with flowers and escort you to the local dance. Clothes would remain on for the duration.
I appeal to any moral fibre you have to remove this abomination from our screens. I do not have this luxury, as I upturned my glass of sherry onto the remote and it seems I am now saddled with your channel. I fear the vicar can no longer visit to watch Songs of Praise as instead he will be subjected to genitalia.