I am most delighted in your continued success in being re-elected as the Member of Parliament for Charnwood. It is a great pleasure that you shall represent the most educated and elegant of our constituency – people of substance! It is such a shame that the youths have demonstrated their feckless misunderstanding by choosing to vote for the abomination that is the Labour Party. The obscenity of their views in believing free school meals for all should be allowed makes my blood boil. A lesson in basic economics is what they need. The strong and stable leadership of our marvellous leader Mrs May poses the only solution to this disorder amongst the most ignorant.
In light of these upsetting times, the members of the Knitting Club of Croxton express great concern over the degradation of the moral values among the youth. I expect you would like to come on the Thursday of the following week to express your outstanding and virtuous views on our society in efforts to reassure all.