Arriving home from the Church Hall on the 31st of last month, I was looking forward to a well-earned cup of tea when knocks of suitable volume to awake the dead accosted my home.
A gang of youths had seen fit to dress up as Vampires, Demons and other Ungodly phantasmagoria to “prank” (as is the youthful vernacular) unsuspecting residents. The hellish gaggle demanded sweetmeats, with distressing threats to play a “trick” upon me.
Naturally, I demanded their retreat from my property, but hordes of similar delinquents were roaming the streets, systematically raiding the neighbourhood. My protestations merely returned claims this was customary on All Hallows Eve, and “only a bit of fun”.
“Fun” in my day was not instigating confectionary protection rackets. Yet it seems the standard of today’s parenting has fallen to the level where masked raiding parties are fun for all the family. As my local MP, I feel it is your duty to curb the rise of this Gang Culture. I hope you will ensure these youths are kept off the streets in future, and allow me to once again answer my door without fear.